Straiight to the lawyer. That's where you go from here.
Wife not physically attracted to me
I am 41 years old and been with my wife for 22 years and married for 15. We have 3 children. She recently told me that she has never been physically attracted to me. We have a marriage where we have sex once a month at best and I am always the person doing the work. She tells me she is in love with me and wants o make the mariage work. When she met me I was a medical student and she certainly has agrred that she saw me as a geat future husband and father. I feel deceived and hurt. Whete do I go from here?
From talkaboutmarriage forums...
I guess she was attracted to that wad in his pants. His wallet.
Straiight to the lawyer. That's where you go from here.
He has been married to the **** longer than i've been alive.
Her value in the SMP is dropping fast
His future earnings are going higher
3 kids are too much baggage to get another sucker
Ya, she's planning and waiting a few years to announce her Eat, Pray, Love sojourn
I actually know someone who has a very similar story. They met in college when he was pre-med, and she married him for his earning potential. They have two children together and have been married for about 8 years. There's no ****ing way in hell this dude at 5'5", 125 lbs, and pencil-necked is physically attractive to this ****. He just recently came out of residency and is making roughly 400 Gs a year. They even live in a very desirable part of the world with warm weather year-round. You brothers might have heard of this place. It's called Honolulu, Hawaii, and it isn't good enough for this ****. She wants to be close to her family again so she's making him move everyone back to a frozen part of the rural upper Midwest.
These ****ing ****s will never be satisfied.
He has three children with her, she "sacrificed" a brilliant career as a brain surgeon in order to stay at home and raise the kids, and he would have never made it through medical school without her "encouragement".........the list will go on and on.
He would be viewed as abandoning his wife and family by the courts resulting in a total financial wipeout for him.
He is sadly a doomed man in today's environment. As Leykis states...."There is no benefit for a man to
get married"......it is astonishing what males will give up in exchange for access to a vagina.
Last edited by EternalBachelor; 04-23-2012 at 04:42 AM.
Why does she bring it up now, hmmmmm? If she was "smart" back then, and decided that a reliable provider and good father type was better than riding the cock carousel, and if she thought she could do with a less "attractive" man, why now? I suspect she is now setting him up with a final shit test, and meanwhile looking at the "greener grass" of "eat/prey/love land (sp intentional). Poor Bastard is doomed.
Since she wants to work on the marriage he should PRETEND do that, and cheat on her to have his needs met along the way, and hope the situation resolves itself.
(Hoping for someone to come to harm like that is not GYOW. And is frowned upon here. ~Lab)
Last edited by labasih; 04-30-2012 at 05:01 AM.
I agree it's a no-win situation for him...
But in the game of divorce, it is always better for the guy to be on the offense and not the defense. I don't know if you're agreeing with me or disagreeing with me on that point.. of if you don't think it even matters.
Now that I've gone back to the re-read the original post, here's a point or two...
The fact that the chick says she wants to work on the marriage simply doesn't jibe with the whole fact that she has apparently told him straight up that she's not attracted to him and yes, always saw him from the get-go as a great meal ticket.
There's only one problem with the marriage and it's the woman... They don't need 'marriage counseling' because there's nothing for the guy to fix... it's a problem with ONE person in the marriage (the woman) and so, if there is any feeling to TRULY work on the marriage, she needs to have her head shrunk by a professional.
Having said that, the idea that she would even bring it up says there is something already really going on in the marriage that we are not made privy to in the original post. That she would bring it up tells me she is already thinking about (or has already figured out) that she doesn't want to be in the marriage anymore.
...and when a woman gets to THAT point in her marriage, pretty much only "bad things" happen. At best, she is THINKING of checking out of the marriage and at worst, she's ALREADY checked out of the marriage, emotionally. And once these *****es make an emotional separation from their man, it is DONE.
...It doesn't matter, in the greater scheme of things, whether he files or she files because it appears he's a physician (surgeon?) and she's been a SAHM the whole time, so he's going to be ****ED, financially, unless somehow or another, the two of them can manage to come up with some amicable divorce (which I've actually seen happen) where she just doesn't go after everything he has... I doubt that would happen, but in any case, that guy would be best served by filing for divorce FIRST.
Because if he doesn't file first, she will.... at some point... when he pretty much least expects it. And there is at LEAST a possibility that she will accuse him of a bunch of bullshit.... probably child molestation of his own kids, or child abuse, ongoing spousal abuse, and always, ALWAYS, an accusation of having problems with alcohol.
There is a problem in their marriage, and most likely, she's already decided on divorce.
Likely is that in order to throw him off the scent, she's already concocted this idea to tell him "let's work on this marriage..."... "counseling, counseling, counseling!".... and all that does it draw out the marriage even more, giving her more time to really put together "evidence" of something...
because you know (and she knows) she has no real physical proof of, say, spousal abuse over the last 20 years, but any number of the most innocuous, innocent things can happen in the next month or two, in which case, she'll take pictures and videos or whatever to try and make it look like she's been abused... and she'll claim that "for 20 years, I was just too scared to come forward, but I've reached my limit and I can't take it anymore..." ...and POOF, out come all these photos "showing" abuse, when really, the photos were of when she herself got drunk and fell down the stairs and broke her arm and gave herself a black eye... or whatever..
As well, while they're going to counseling, she'll start really 'opening up' to the guy... she'll become more outgoing... she'll be suggesting they go to this party or that party, and she'll make sure he ALWAYS has a drink in his hand... if possible, she'll ensure he gets drunk at all these parties, so she'll have witnesses who have "over the course of the past x months, noticed that 'Dr. Jim' has really been hitting the sauce lately..." ....
'Dr. Jim', though, is going to be getting a false sense of security... Everything's going so well, now... Wow, that marriage counseling shit REALLY ****ING WORKS after all! ... My wife is great... we go on dates all the time... we're partying like we were teenagers again!
...and then 6 months down the road .....B L A M.... Dr Jim's punk ****ing monkey ass just got SERVED with divorce papers... and instead of being in a position of 'power' in the divorce game, he is now playing defense, jumping through hoops, wasting time and money defending himself against false accusations.... oh, but are they really false???? HRMMM???? After all, the woman who just filed for divorce has 10 people lined up and willing to testify that Dr Jim has been drinking a LOT of alcohol lately.. so much so that even his wife has had to drive him home! And God only knows what happened after they got home and he was all 'likkered' up...
C'mon, man.... have you not been through this ****ing divorce game yet? I know I have.
When it comes to divorce, MEN NEED TO BE ON OFFENSE (i.e., file for divorce FIRST) === NEVER DEFENSE!
Last edited by labasih; 04-30-2012 at 05:02 AM.
Maybe back to grammar school and bone-up on spelling/proof-reading, "Doc".When she met me I was a medical student and she certainly has agrred that she saw me as a geat future husband and father. I feel deceived and hurt. Whete do I go from here?
"Deceived and hurt"? His first emotional response to being betrayed? He's abyss-fodder. The machine will belch on his carcass, using his femur or a tibia as a toothpick.
Nothing to see here guys. Move along.
Last edited by toadman; 04-24-2012 at 02:25 AM.
"C'mon, man.... have you not been through this ****ing divorce game yet? I know I have."
I have never been married and I will never sign a contract of marriage.....so no I have not been through the divorce game nor will I ever have to participate in the divorce game. My net worth is far in excess of $1,000,000 and no woman will ever get a penny of it.
I believe the strategy I discussed in my previous post is correct, but reasonable minds can agree to disagree.
But just out of curiosity:
Have you read much from others here about how divorce tends to work in reality?Since she wants to work on the marriage he should do that, and cheat on her to have his needs met along the way, and hope she gets run over by a bus with faulty breaks sometime in the future.
I'm not trying to derail the thread (indeed, this might be an interesting thing to discuss/debate in another thread altogether), but I'm trying to understand WHY you believe your strategy is correct? [in light of the fact that we have many lurkers here...]
(I dunno.. maybe you have a very short/simple answer that'll make things more abundantly clear to me)...
...because based on my own experience -- and I daresay, the experience of many other guys around here -- following your advice is a really, really, really risky proposition, to put it mildly.
I agree with the preemptive strike. Yeah, he'll get financially raped, but that situation won't ease with more time in the marriage (working on it), and he'll at least be able to move on. His job (assumed) is stable and lucrative, so even giving up 75% of his pay should still leave a good amount to live on. As Chris Rock said (paraphrased): if you make a million a year and the woman takes half, no big deal. If you make 30K, the outcome is far worse.
Take the those fantasies elsewhere, please. ~Lab
Last edited by labasih; 04-30-2012 at 06:16 AM.
But while he's pretending to work on the marriage and cheating on her, you appear to have completely ruled out the possibility (which is, in actuality, a great likelihood) that SHE is also pretending to [want to] work on the marriage... and so while he's pretending and cheating, she's actually pretending and maneuvering for a divorce....
I don't know about anybody else, but I have experienced first hand the woman who SAYS she wants to work on the marriage (actually, that was phrased as "WE" need to work on the marriage), but is only PRETENDING to be working on it in order to buy/bide time while maneuvering for a divorce.
Last edited by labasih; 04-30-2012 at 05:16 AM.
my suggestion: end it. depending on what state he's in, his alimony will terminate eventually. the sooner it ends, the less financial impact. same goes for assets.
Sam I Am is correct. Find a divorce lawyer that specilaizes in representing men and go on the offensive.