what became of dad after he was cut out of my life?

**Jso** · 02-22-2012 10:17 AM

for those who don't follow my posts: my dad was in a near fatal motorcycle accident when I was a baby.

only recently did mom admit (or maybe I should say, she made the claim) that she didn't leave him after the motorcycle accident. originally, when I was a kid, she told us she left him because the accident which damaged his brain caused him to become irrational, an alcoholic, and impossible to be around. now, she claims that he cheated on her when I was about a year old and the accident was after we had already moved out.

insert your own opinions about whether she should have stuck it out and tried to make things work. I can't say how any of that would have turned out, it's way too late.

anyway, my brother recently went to his house. it had been a very long time since we had even seen him once. we used to stay over his house up until age 10, when we just didn't want to be around him any longer. he was certainly weird, and he was also clearly very poor as evidenced by the amount of baseball hats he garbage picked and left on his sofa, as well as the occasional trip to look for aluminum cans to recycle. it's pretty sad to think that this is a guy who used to build great things. he was what was known as a "fabricator," a job that isn't really done anymore. he had thousands of dollars in tools, and he worked on his bikes as a hobby, the one we are most familiar with being a harley with honda forks (the front end of a large chopper type motorcycle). I can only imagine what we might have learned from him if he had been our dad for more than a few days out of our lives.

we had been told that he wanted to give us one of his motorcycles, that he felt he owed us something. we were interested but never heard anything about it, and forgot. a few years afterward, we were told about how the roof on the garage collapsed and that some other relatives were going to help clean up the damage, so we decided we would try to help out, maybe get a chance at digging up some buried treasure in the form of a super badass chopper like in easy rider.

turns out he's some kind of hoarder now. when we used to visit his house as kids it was kept clean. now there's garbage piled on all the counter tops, thrown into a spare room. I have no idea what happened to him. he just kinda went on surviving I guess, but he doesn't appear to have much to live for. I can't imagine ever getting to that point and I can't exactly say how he ended up that way, I can only guess.

**LaffingNow** · 03-01-2012 10:48 AM

Originally Posted by Jso

I don't like it, but I would rather accept reality than delude myself.

I very much respect this and a path I have chosen for myself years ago. No matter how bad the news is. In keeping with this, I will stay within bounds with the others as well here in saying that my mother also began changing her stories regarding many things. I can see how her age at 70+ years also affects her clarity but know full well she’s been lying. I suppose to protect me. All the same, I lost trust years back and remind myself to take her stories with a grain of salt. We all make our choices.

Originally Posted by Jso

a lack of proper parenting lead to us growing up stunted in body and mind. I lived with mom until I was 26, I don't make good money, and I am still afraid of meeting new people or entering social situations I have never experienced before. it's a long hard road out of hell, but at least I am not still IN hell.

Exactly what happened to me and my sister. She ran away from home while I ran away within myself. But I had the advantage of moving into my father's ranch with his new wife thus having some healthy male bonding (responsibility, respect for others and for authority, rifle/handgun practice, working at his shop for many years, explore nature, etc.). Still a bit shy, but definitely extroverted when the situation requires it (presentations are hell, but I can do them when I have to). Good that you note that you're out of hell, I see it as a choice we make in order to move on and be happy in life.